Despite various efforts toward helping our children thrive, sadly, trends show that their mental health has been getting worse. For example, 28% of high school students experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness in 2011, which rose to 42% 10 years later (CDC). Now more than ever, helping our kids with their mental health is especially important.
Parents are often the last to know
Around middle school, many parents begin to accept it as a normal part of development when children prefer to talk to their friends and not their parents about something that they are troubled by. That’s if they tell anyone at all. It’s not uncommon for a parent to get a call from the guidance office with the upsetting news that their child is depressed, or cutting, or having panic attacks.
While theory after theory shows that youth are going through an individuation process (becoming their own person), and it is perfectly normal and appropriate, parents still play a vital role in helping them during this challenging time. Mental disorders are lower in children and adolescents who consult with their father or mother than those who do not. Confiding in a sibling or friend also had good results, but one or both parents showed very good benefits.
Intervention triggered
When an adult—often someone at school—begins to see signs and symptoms of distress in a student, such as falling grades, not passing in homework, sadness, acting out, or trouble concentrating, it is likely to trigger a call home from the guidance counselor. Also, in many cases, a friend who has been confided in realizes that telling an adult is the best thing to do.
What can parents do?
- Normalize. “You and your friends will have emotions and difficult experiences. We all do.”
- Predict. “Friends tell each other things. They tell each other things that they might not feel comfortable telling an adult at first. But friends don’t always know what to do about these difficult things. Your friends might not know how to help you, and you might not know how to help your friends.”
- Empathize. “It can be really tough to hear your friends tell you things they are challenged by. It can feel really heavy to carry your own burden by yourself, or to carry the burden for your friend.”
- Offer Support. “I am here for you. Whether it’s an issue you’re having or an issue that one of your friends has, I’m here for you. Let’s look at this survey together. I want you to keep one in your notebook/backpack/room/etc., and I will keep one handy for you in the kitchen/by my computer/etc. If there is something you need to talk about, or if you are ever confused or feel stuck and don’t know what to do, it will help you with asking for help. And it will help you find the words that will help me, or another adult, to support you.”
- Keep the conversations going. “I believe in you, and I’m here for you. You can count on me to follow up and ask you how you and your friends are doing.”
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Tools like these can help us to help our kids with their mental health. It’s one of the most important things we can do as parents and can have lasting effects on their well-being.
DISCLAIMER: The information provided here is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitution for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider for any questions you may have regarding your child’s mental health.
